Writing Therapy
by Rye Scop
Summary: Dean writes a fan fiction. Set in season 4 after "The Monster at the End of this Book" and before "Jump the Shark." Rated K because I'm paranoid.


**I don't own Sam or Dean or an Impala. I also don't own _FanFiction dot net_ , though it would be cool to own any of those things... All rights belong to their respective owners.**

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It had been a long day, and Dean was more than a little frustrated with Sam. With the threat of Lucifer's release and Lilith's plan to worry about, he _really_ did not need the added brotherly tension. Especially when the creature they had ganked had killed thirteen people, yet his little brother still said he "understood" since it was doing it all for its "sister." Seriously? If a vamp wanted to get blood, it could knock over a blood bank, or something; it didn't have to resort to manslaughter. On top of that, Dean had only gotten two hours of sleep the night before, waiting for Sam to come back from wherever it was he went. He highly suspected it had to do with that demoness that he had told his brother _not_ to hang around with. Even though they had gone down this path before and Sam had promised not to do it again.

This morning he had woken up, completely exhausted, to find that his younger brother had taken the Impala and had gotten a large scratch in it. To top it off, Dean had ended up driving all day because Sam was sleeping off some sort of hangover that he was unable to arouse his brother from. He had stopped at a gas station to get fuel for him and his baby when a car pulling into the pump behind him sped up rather than slowing down. Turned out it was an old lady who had forgotten which pedal was the break. The result was a bent fender for the Impala to add to the scratch that Sam had given her. Then, right before they got to the motel, someone had pulled out in front of them at an intersection with a green light _in the rain_. Dean had been unable to gain the traction needed to break and the other car had taken out the right headlight of the Impala. In short, Dean was angry. And when Dean was angry, he got violent with those around him. The closest person to him had been Sam.

Before he exploded, Dean _very calmly_ and _very collectedly_ asked Sam to go get their supper. He had been too worn out to go any further that day and his nerves had been shot from the close call. In a town with one stoplight, you wouldn't think people would need to run a red light. Sam must have seen the coals in his brother's green eyes because he complied without complaint. Dean's blood pressure was high even after his little brother left, however, so he began to pace the room like a caged animal. That didn't work, and it was too wet to go out for a walk; Sammy had the Impala, so he couldn't go to a bar.

Dean reared back to punch the wall, but stopped himself a centimeter before his target. Damaging motel property might make him feel better for a little while, but he didn't want the guilt tacked on when they actually left this place. The hunter growled, low in his throat. The angels, the demons, his destiny as the "Righteous Man," it was all too much. Add to that the seeming inevitability of Lilith winning despite the winged idiots' plan and his nightmares of "Alistair's kitchen" … it was all too much. It was just overwhelming.

With that reminder, Dean lost the tenuous grasp of whatever control he had over his emotions, and the anger came out of him in waves. He couldn't hustle pool. He couldn't go on a walk when now, it had started hailing (and wasn't that just perfect for his Baby?). He couldn't even destroy anything, much less a wall. They were nowhere around a hunt (at least as far as he knew), and wouldn't be for an entire week, at least. And Sammy…Sammy was a tempting punching bag.

Dean marched over to Sam's duffle and grabbed the laptop. For a brief moment, he considered smashing it on the motel floor, but as that would just add more problems, he restrained himself. Instead, he set up the computer and opened up a couple sites.

No hunts. No leads on Lilith. And for once Dean was not in the mood for porn. It was then that he remembered that ridiculous site he and his brother had found a couple weeks ago. "Fanfiction dot net," he muttered under his breath, pounding the keys angrily as if he could transfer his frustration into the computer. He had to set up an account, but Dean didn't care. For his username he chose "Awesomepala." One of his many e-mail accounts worked for him and he quickly came up with a password- _voraciousvamps7_. Supposedly a number made it harder to break. Dean "OK"ed everything he saw without really reading it. He went through a couple of other annoying steps, boxes, and messages before he got to the meat. Dean opened up a new story and began typing.

 _Once upon a time there was an awesome, handsome, talented, smart hunter named Dean who had a younger, annoying, sneaky, dull, bit-_ Dean stopped, thought about what he was writing down, and then considered that thirteen year olds may read this. Trying to remember if Sammy was allowed to use this word when he was a young teen, he hit the backspace a couple times and revised his writing – _bratty brother named Sam Win-_ four more backspaces- _Sam. Dean was the best big brother in the world. He got all the money and drove an awesome car. She was a black beauty, with sleek lines and an engine that purred like a kitten. Sam was the most annoying little s-_ backspace – _troublemaker in the whole world. He put scratches in her paint and mistreated Dean's lady when he snuck out with her at night. He thought he was sneaky, but Dean knew. He always did, because he knew everything about his little brother, whether Sam wanted him to or not._ OK, nah…that last sentence was a little bit creepy. Dean quickly deleted it. _Dean knew because he was an awesome big brother and actually cared about what happened to Sam, even if he was an annoying little bi-_ double backspace- _whiner._

 _One day an awesome, amazing Dean was hunting a-_ Dean tried to think of an appropriate monster- _Wendigo_ \- no- _water spirit-_ no- _possessed toy poodle_? Even Dean wasn't _that_ evil. Then he smirked- _vampire clown with his bi-_ backspace- _bothersome brother. Sam complained the whole time that his feet hurt and that clowns made him squeamish and that he had a wedgie- wegie- wedgy- wegy- wedgey?_ Huh, Dean wasn't sure what the correct spelling was for that word, so he deleted it entirely, along with the previous three words- _and that his underwear was riding up._ There. _Dean ignored him, of course. He shouldn't always have to put up with Sam's cr-_ a moment of consideration- _ud. And he was acting like a little whiny little girl. Dean of course, braved on through all obstacles, even with a dislocated shoulder and three busted ribs because he was_ that _awesome. Sam just needed to learn that the world didn't revolve around him. Of course, after complaining he wanted to split up and find the blood-sucker. Dean, in his vast, impressive wisdom and knowledge, knew that that was a horrible idea. But Sam insisted he could take down the mad clwon_ \- backspace, backspace, backspace- _clown by himself, even though he had wet himself the last time they had hunted the evil b-_ backspace- _villains. Dean couldn't restrain his donkey of a brother, though_ \- see? Dean was getting better- _and Sam was being impossible, so he agreed to the plan and they set off to gank the cruddy circus creep. Dean was right about not splitting up. Dean was always right, and Sam just thought_ he _was always right, but he actually wasn't because Sam was the younger brother and Dean was the oldest and the older brother is always the right one. Once again, Sam was being annoying and stupid._

 _Dean found the clown and ganked him. He was a vampire, so Dean took him out with a perfect sq-_ backspace- _sweep of his machete. Then he heard a high-pitched girly scream from downstairs where Samm-_ backspace; he was _still_ seeing red and the brother in question was _not_ forgiven- _was. Sam had gotten his foot stuck in some bubblegum and was worried about losing his shoe. He also squealed because an old lady clown came into the room, and she wasn't even a vampire but Sam was afraid of her anyway. Being stupid, he started an exorcism when she tried to give him a cookie._ OK, so yeah; that was a _little_ creepy. Dean decided to take that sentence out. _Being the awesome big brother is, Dean pulled Sam out of the bubblegum, but he lost his shoe in the process. "No, Dean! Not my shoooooeee!" he whined. He got angry at Dean for losing the shoe and started yelling at him, even though Dean had won enough money for the both of them to get perfectly good new hunting boots. Sammy_ \- no- _Sam was being his annoying bi-_ backspace- _bothersome self and was complaining about how Dean was a jerk and wouldn't listen to what he was trying to say he could do to fix this, even though the whole thing was Sam's fault in the first place. Sam was_ so _annoying and_ so _pretentious and scornful and just a little whiney brat that Dean finally gave up._

 _"You know what, Sam?" Dean said. "You're acting like a little brat, so I'm leaving you here."_

 _"Fine," Sam said. "I ddin't_ \- heh- _didn't need you here anyway. I'm better off without you!"_

 _"Fine," Dean said, and dropped Sam on the ground._

 _"Dean, I can't walk without my shoe," Sam said._

 _"You're better off without me, remember?" Dean answered. "Bye."_

 _So Dean left Sam in the warehouse where he was surrounded by clowns._

 _The End_

Dean stared at blinking cursor for a couple of seconds before growling low in his throat. Even in words, he couldn't leave his little brother behind. He quickly got rid of the last line and began typing.

 _Dean kept walking to his baby where she was parked in the parking lot outside the warehouse. Suddenly he heard a scream coming from the building and ran towards the sound. Sam had been stupid and had started a fight with a clown twice his size. He also had sharp teeth, so he was another vampire clown. "Help me, Dean!" Sam called. Dean, in his awesomeness, killed the monster, and suddenly there was another, and another. By the end Sam was beat up and bruised and bloody. Dean had the blood of all the vampire clowns all over his shirt and shoes. Sam was just so weak and whiney, even though he mistakenly thought he was strong enough to take them on his own. "I'm sorry, Dean," Sam begged. "Will you forgive me?"_

 _"No," dEAN SAID-_ oops, caps lock- _Dean said. "You've whined the whole time, and I'm totally in the right. I've saved your-_ um- _behind too many times now, and you still take me and my baby for granted. Leave me alone."_

 _"Dean, please,"_ _Sammy begged. "Please, I didn't mean to hurt you. Please."_

Dean paused. He had no idea where this was coming from. He started slowing down as he typed, emotions roiling in his gut. Tears briefly blurred his vision, though he somehow doubted that Sam would ever apologize in this way. He gritted his teeth and tried to be angry, but found he couldn't.

 _"You've hurt me, Sammy," Dean said. "You scratched my baby. You've been leaving at night, hanging out with some demon-_ man, it hurt _\- prostitute rather than spending time with me. Ever since I've gotten back, you've treated me more as a burden and a distraction than as your big brother. I've needed you, and you left me. YOU LEFT ME. And I'm right here, right in front of you, and you still left me. Maybe you didn't mean to hurt me, Sammy, but I do. And it does. How can I forgive you after that?"-_ Dean wiped at his eyes, unable to hold back the flood any longer. Why? Why had he left him? Dean hadn't wanted to leave Sam. He'd just been trying to save him. Now it felt as if Sam had abandoned him, even when they were in the same room. It was like Dean didn't exist now except to be a reason for Sam to get revenge. And how messed up was that? Dean didn't want revenge, he wanted a brother.

Dean wiped at his face and looked at the screen.

 _"I don't know, Dean," Sammy whispered. "I'm sorry."-_ Dean shook his head and let out a hurt laugh. Right. Like Sam would ever say that. He wiped at his face again.

 _Dean was an awesome big brother, and being an awesome big brother, he decided to forgive Sammy. 'Cause that's what brothers do. And truth be told, Sammy wasn't too bad of a brother, either._

 _The End_

Dean looked at the screen, a bittersweet smile twisting his lips. He no longer felt the need to knock in a wall or bust a few skulls. Instead, he felt like the aftermath of one of Sam's attempts at cooking: burnt up and worn out and beaten into a fine powder. Dean slumped in his chair, the mouse hovering over the "publish" button, but instead he exited the browser, deleting all he had written in the past fifteen minutes. Dean ran a hand over his face and allowed it to fall into his lap. He'd burnt up all his anger in the rant, and wasn't sure if he could take much more. He shut down Sam's laptop and just sat in the chair, trying to muster up the energy to get out of his seat.

The rumble of the Impala returning to her place outside the door stirred Dean from his lethargy. He sat up as Sam came in from getting food. Sam froze in the doorway, blinking a couple times as if unsure how to react. Dean noted somewhat lazily that Sam had really filled out during the past year, his bulk taking up almost the entire frame. Sam carefully shut the door behind him, the boxes of take-out firmly clasped in his hands. The younger brother carefully cleared his throat.

"Dean, hey," Sam said, and then paused. "I- I know today's been a hard day, and all, and I just…" he faltered and looked at his older brother warily. "There's this local place…isn't actually too bad…I got you a bacon burger and fries and a coke…" The younger hunter trailed off, swallowing when his brother didn't respond and laying the food on the table. Dean felt himself soften as he realized it was an apology…at least as much of an apology as he'd hear from Sam anytime soon. Dean reached forward and grabbed the bag, pulling it closer to himself….

"Oh, and I also got you a piece of pie. Cherry… I hope it's still your favorite?"

…. Apology accepted.

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 **The End. For real. Hope you enjoyed this! Please let me know if this was too OOC or if there is something else that needs changing. Constructive criticism is always welcome!**


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